More and more people grab at the most important things in this life, well we cant get to it without MONEY! Why did this thing come into our life???? Well people stopped trading item for item, now its item for money, money is everything money is life, money keeps everyone happy. Well what happens when you don’t have money? You get looked at like your garbage, or that your worthless. Many times it is unfair for people to make people feel like this. I know for me I feel like this because I cannot afford things for my kids like I hoped I could. I am doing what I can but nothing helps. I still feel like I cannot afford what I need to for them. I am doing everything I can. I do thank my family for the help that they can provide me.



How do we know when things come to pass? How do we know when we have hit our peak? There are always questions to ask ourselves. What more can we accomplish? There is always something. Many times I have to look harder to get my questions out in the open because I can not figure out what more I can do for my family.

We always seem to find times that we are able to make things different for us and yet things still seem difficult. Well there is always a time where things are difficult but we need to work thru them. Many more times we seem to find things are difficult rather then easy. I know I have. More and more times I have seen that I have been in a difficult spot but I have worked through it and come out on top. There is always the bad comes the good. Many more times people show that they cannot always come out of their difficult spot. Many times people think they cannot get out of it but they are not working towards their goals like they think they are. How many times do people think that they cannot get out of their difficult times. A Lot. I have but then I look to my kids and think that they are what I am fighting for. They are my guide to make sure that I have made it through the tough times and the hard times. They are my light at the end of the darkness. I am fighting for them and to show them that there are things we cannot always control but we do our best when times get tough. More and more times people do not understand what comes from children are what we give them to start with. My kids know they are loved and wanted. So many more times I look to my kids for their strength and their kindness. Sometimes yes they have their moments of not liking me or each other but in the end they still have love in their hearts and not hate. I doing what I can to teach them that they should not hate people but yes they may not like them and yes it is ok to not like instead of hating people or person or things. I know for me it is hard to do that myself but I am working on it.

To many times I have had to get at my kids for saying they hate them or others and I try to tell them that it isn’t right to hate, you may dislike them for the moment but not hate. Hate is so strong and is misused by people. So many times it has been used to get others to do the same. More and more people are using HATE to spread things that either isn’t true or that they just want to spread things around to make others do their work for them. What more do people want???? I know that people are very slim to understand why so many people use the word HATE. I have to say that I hate the word hate, yes I use it, but when I do it is for things like I hate the way you are acting or that I hate how things never seem to go the way we plan. We plan for things to go our way but sometimes it doesn’t happen.

Rarely things seem to happen the right way. Either things go different but end up in the same way, or things don’t go that way at all. Many more things have to change for things to go right. I know for me that I have to find my own path to make sure that things will end up where I want them. I am ready for things to start going right. I know that I have to make it that way in my own way. So ready for things to start falling in place.


Sorry about the long post!


Wishing upon a star can mean so much to different people. I know for me its good health, my family is taken care of and that we are all loved by someone.

How can you be all nice and then as soon as someone goes with their family and doesn’t talk to you for a little bit says you r pushing them away and that you need to figure out what you want but says that they didn’t break up with you. How is that not breaking up with someone? I don’t understand. I just wish that things made more since.

How can you do that to someone? What is it that you are supposed to think when they say something like that and when you try to ask them why they said that they say its because you are pushing them away, even though you said that you were not doing that but that you have to figure out something that they wouldn’t understand and then once you do you will let them know what is going on.

I guess people are just going to be people though and be the way they always have been. Anyways many things will be changing in my future and that is okay with me.


I am scared but I know I am in good hands. I wish that I wasn’t but I don’t feel like I have a choice at the moment. I am not sure what else to say about this because I have never faced this before. I know my family is right by my side to help me cope with everything. I am just wishing that this wasn’t happening.  I just am not sure what else to do though. I guess I am just going to wait till I get the phone call.


Wishing that many things could go better for me. The only thing I am glad about is that I have my family. My family has been there for me through everything. I am so happy that I have them to help me through the tough times. I am not sure what I would do without them. Many people wish they had the support that I have with my family. I am sure that I am not alone when it comes to family. If I didn’t have the family I do I am not sure what I would do. I am just trying to stay positive right now and trying to think of other ways I can show my gratitude with my family. I would not be who I am today without them.

To my family:



How come someone always gets screwed over with things? Why is it that others have the nerve to no call no show with their jobs and screws someone over with things. I don’t know how people can do that. Especially since you have never done it before. Many times people think that others will be there for them but you can only count on yourself. Why is it that no one thinks about others??? I know that I am one who thinks about my coworkers and what it would do to them if I did a no call no show and I would lose my job. I need my job I have a family to take care of. I know that there are many things that can happen but some of the time its just people being stupid. I just hope that they are all right and that they show up tomorrow for work.

I am done with my rant now.


How many of us have ever had the pleasure of being sick after your kids have been sick for a week??? Not sure but I know that is what has happened to me. I am so not in the best state right now but I guess it could be worse.

What else is it we find that our kids end up doing to us? I know for me it made me think about what I need to do to keep them alive and keep them happy. As well as keep them in a steady place. I feel more love with my kids then I do anywhere else. I know that my kids are one of the if not most important thing around. I love them to the end and back. They have my heart and are keeping it.

Now if I can only try to keep them healthy. Its harder then it looks. Man my poor babies have been sick the past two weeks and all I could do was pretty much wait for it to be done with. Well at least they are better. Now I need to get myself better. I was hoping by eating something that would have helped but it hasn’t yet. I will figure out something.


How come people have to be so stupid at times???  I mean like this past week my sister has been dating a guy who no one likes and his baby mamas have done nothing but talk to her about him and given her shit all the time. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone but if they cant support themselves or be able to somewhat support you then why be with them? Also have the drama of the people who like to start stupid things with you because of that person. How many more times do you have to deal with something so stupid and all the while they are doing nothing about it. They are lying to your face and they don’t care at all about how it is affecting you or your family. This starting with how the family is your main concern and yet you show that your family isn’t as important to you as this dude you are fooling around with. That you think because there are many things going on between you that its OK to put him before any of your family. You have to figure out what is right in front of you before you lose it. That you have to find a way to show that your family means something more then what you are showing them. How many more times are you going to go on his side when he threatened your sister and that he threatened to come to her house and kick in her door to pistol whip her in the head, and she didn’t call the cops on him because of you. Wouldn’t you think that she is the better person for you to be around then him? Just because he says he wouldn’t do that doesn’t mean anything when it comes to him. I guess that things will be learned the hard way because she will lose her family. She will lose every one who has ever cared about her. Definitely not in a good way either because we are their for her more then anyone else is. She will lose us as a family and I don’t want that because I love those kids but if she keeps going like this she will lose us.


Why is it that when you try to do something nice for people or even be nice to people you get shut down? Or even yelled at by someone they talked to. I guess I am asking why should we be nice when you don’t get that in return???? How many times do we have to go through life hurting because you try to do the right thing and all people do is hurt you? How many more times is it that you have to push yourself along because someone else has something for you. What else is it that people have to do to get some respect in the place you work or when you are walking around.


How many times does it take to understand what someone is going through??? I am not sure anymore but there is always something that someone has to do about something because there is always one person who is trying to manage their situation that has come into their life.

I guess my situation is somewhat different then others because of the way things are pro-trade with me. I always try to keep a smile on my face and try to make sure that my children don’t know what is going on and that they have a good life without having to worry about me. I do my best to make sure that everything is going good for them and that I don’t push them away from me because I love them so much. I guess I do what I can for them but I know that sometimes things do slip and my oldest notices. He said to me one night, “Tonight is an off night for you isn’t it?” All I could do with that was cry and hug him even tighter.

I am trying to get help but to me what help I am getting doesn’t seem to help. I am hoping that once I figure out what is going on then it will help my situation. Till then I am doing what I can.