Wishing

Wishing upon a star can mean so much to different people. I know for me its good health, my family is taken care of and that we are all loved by someone.

How can you be all nice and then as soon as someone goes with their family and doesn’t talk to you for a little bit says you r pushing them away and that you need to figure out what you want but says that they didn’t break up with you. How is that not breaking up with someone? I don’t understand. I just wish that things made more since.

How can you do that to someone? What is it that you are supposed to think when they say something like that and when you try to ask them why they said that they say its because you are pushing them away, even though you said that you were not doing that but that you have to figure out something that they wouldn’t understand and then once you do you will let them know what is going on.

I guess people are just going to be people though and be the way they always have been. Anyways many things will be changing in my future and that is okay with me.

Scared

I am scared but I know I am in good hands. I wish that I wasn’t but I don’t feel like I have a choice at the moment. I am not sure what else to say about this because I have never faced this before. I know my family is right by my side to help me cope with everything. I am just wishing that this wasn’t happening.  I just am not sure what else to do though. I guess I am just going to wait till I get the phone call.

Family

Wishing that many things could go better for me. The only thing I am glad about is that I have my family. My family has been there for me through everything. I am so happy that I have them to help me through the tough times. I am not sure what I would do without them. Many people wish they had the support that I have with my family. I am sure that I am not alone when it comes to family. If I didn’t have the family I do I am not sure what I would do. I am just trying to stay positive right now and trying to think of other ways I can show my gratitude with my family. I would not be who I am today without them.

To my family:

THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR ME!

Why?

How come someone always gets screwed over with things? Why is it that others have the nerve to no call no show with their jobs and screws someone over with things. I don’t know how people can do that. Especially since you have never done it before. Many times people think that others will be there for them but you can only count on yourself. Why is it that no one thinks about others??? I know that I am one who thinks about my coworkers and what it would do to them if I did a no call no show and I would lose my job. I need my job I have a family to take care of. I know that there are many things that can happen but some of the time its just people being stupid. I just hope that they are all right and that they show up tomorrow for work.

I am done with my rant now.

Sickness

How many of us have ever had the pleasure of being sick after your kids have been sick for a week??? Not sure but I know that is what has happened to me. I am so not in the best state right now but I guess it could be worse.

What else is it we find that our kids end up doing to us? I know for me it made me think about what I need to do to keep them alive and keep them happy. As well as keep them in a steady place. I feel more love with my kids then I do anywhere else. I know that my kids are one of the if not most important thing around. I love them to the end and back. They have my heart and are keeping it.

Now if I can only try to keep them healthy. Its harder then it looks. Man my poor babies have been sick the past two weeks and all I could do was pretty much wait for it to be done with. Well at least they are better. Now I need to get myself better. I was hoping by eating something that would have helped but it hasn’t yet. I will figure out something.

WHY?

How come people have to be so stupid at times???  I mean like this past week my sister has been dating a guy who no one likes and his baby mamas have done nothing but talk to her about him and given her shit all the time. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone but if they cant support themselves or be able to somewhat support you then why be with them? Also have the drama of the people who like to start stupid things with you because of that person. How many more times do you have to deal with something so stupid and all the while they are doing nothing about it. They are lying to your face and they don’t care at all about how it is affecting you or your family. This starting with how the family is your main concern and yet you show that your family isn’t as important to you as this dude you are fooling around with. That you think because there are many things going on between you that its OK to put him before any of your family. You have to figure out what is right in front of you before you lose it. That you have to find a way to show that your family means something more then what you are showing them. How many more times are you going to go on his side when he threatened your sister and that he threatened to come to her house and kick in her door to pistol whip her in the head, and she didn’t call the cops on him because of you. Wouldn’t you think that she is the better person for you to be around then him? Just because he says he wouldn’t do that doesn’t mean anything when it comes to him. I guess that things will be learned the hard way because she will lose her family. She will lose every one who has ever cared about her. Definitely not in a good way either because we are their for her more then anyone else is. She will lose us as a family and I don’t want that because I love those kids but if she keeps going like this she will lose us.

Feelings

Why is it that when you try to do something nice for people or even be nice to people you get shut down? Or even yelled at by someone they talked to. I guess I am asking why should we be nice when you don’t get that in return???? How many times do we have to go through life hurting because you try to do the right thing and all people do is hurt you? How many more times is it that you have to push yourself along because someone else has something for you. What else is it that people have to do to get some respect in the place you work or when you are walking around.

Managing

How many times does it take to understand what someone is going through??? I am not sure anymore but there is always something that someone has to do about something because there is always one person who is trying to manage their situation that has come into their life.

I guess my situation is somewhat different then others because of the way things are pro-trade with me. I always try to keep a smile on my face and try to make sure that my children don’t know what is going on and that they have a good life without having to worry about me. I do my best to make sure that everything is going good for them and that I don’t push them away from me because I love them so much. I guess I do what I can for them but I know that sometimes things do slip and my oldest notices. He said to me one night, “Tonight is an off night for you isn’t it?” All I could do with that was cry and hug him even tighter.

I am trying to get help but to me what help I am getting doesn’t seem to help. I am hoping that once I figure out what is going on then it will help my situation. Till then I am doing what I can.

Snow Day

Snow day fun! Not so much for parents because then you have to figure out where to take the kids or what to do with the kids. I know that for me when there is a snow day the kids are wound tighter then I am. The kids are excited that it is a snow day and not that it is here they get bored and then want to try to figure out what else to do and next what else can we find what can bug mom more. I know for me it is the fact that they want to be right next to me all day and then trying to figure out what else to bug me next.

What else do we do on a snow day? I know make the kids take a nap. There are times I don’t get a chance to have time by myself. I am just trying to get a little quiet time. I can now watch my show without interruption from the kids.

Nails

Working in a place where having nails isn’t always the best thing in the world but you want them nice anyways its hard to understand the struggle if you have never tried it. I know I have when I was working in a factory and I was making things that I couldn’t have long nails for. My nails broke all the time so I kept them short. Now where I work I can now have long nails but I cant seem to keep them long. Maybe its because of all the jobs that I had to keep them short for or maybe its because of my bad habit. I am not sure anymore. I just wish that my nails would be long and beautiful like my mothers or my other coworkers. They have strong and healthy nails and mine are weak and brittle. I keep trying different things to help them get stronger but I can’t seem to get them to work most of the time.